Reflection

Today seems like one of those days that my mind is thinking back on many, many things. Not that reflection doesn’t happen any other day but today is a bit different. Today I am finally out of the 300’s. I was 299.0lbs this morning. I don’t think it really has sunk in yet, probably will take a bit to sink in. 50 more pounds and I will be able to get this hernia fixed… man things are happening!!
This weekend will also mark two years since I started to get healthy. Two years, WOW, so much has transpired; when I think of everything it is hard to believe.I guess first starting off on my journey, I really wasn’t focused on me. Sure I needed a health change as much as my husband and knew it, but in helping him… he helped me…. and I helped myself. I miss having that companionship but I truely feel love is eternal…and it’s that love that keeps me going and pressing me forward. One thing Curtis taught me is health is so important and life is precious…we need to fight for every single breath…. this is my fight against obesity…. towards being healthy.
Life has changed so much for me, sometimes it’s hard to grasp. Still there are days when a “down feeling” comes over me and doubts slip in, discouragement seeps through, and for short times I do struggle. I think I always will have those moments; I just don’t talk of them much or don’t share when I have them. I have found ways to muddle through them n keep going… you have to when alone.
Changes, lol wow….just the other day while walking in the mall, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrored glass; I had to take a double look… I guess it rather shocked me. WOW, is that me? I had to take another look lol. Sometimes I have to pinch myself at the physical changes going on. It is in these time your “fat” brain has to assimulate to it all lol. Perhaps I finally need a full length mirror at home eh lol. A few people have used the term “skinny” when describing me.. I really have to chuckle because that is just not a term associated with me LOL. but I guess compared to how I use to be, I guess one might use that term to describe as in comparison to what I was.
Walking daily on the 289 for the last 6 months I have had many vehicles “beep” their horn or “wave”… not having a clue as to the “who”  of many of them, I give a “nod” or “wave” going by.  I have had two occasions where two vehicles have slowed down to quickly give me praise on my progress then quickly speed off… still not knowing who exactly they are. It makes me smile that just a stranger in passing who happens to see a difference in me over the months as they travel by, would stop and acknowledge it. How one life can touch another without even speaking… guess I am having wow moments along this journey.
There are sections of the road where Curtis & I first started walking together; they hold special memories. I often talk to him on my walks, feel like he is there with me listening to my ramblings. From laughter to tears while walking, if one looked close enough they surely would think a mad woman’s loose from Dartmouth lol.   When I think how walking from the car to the grocery store or from the door of the hospital to the elevator was a big task for me, and now here I can walk almost 4mph and not tire, and walk to Eric Sandeson’s  or Bea Kennedy’s!! LOL Colin always teased me asking if I made it to Brookield yet LOL I figure I could in a little over 2 hours praps if I wanted lol.
I looked at my BMI this morning, 42.93. WOW 6 months ago in Dr Ellsmere’s office I was 61.6 and am down 131.1 lbs since. I wonder if that’s commitment for him lol.
I walk into stores now looking at the clothes…actually seeing clothes that fit me!! Being able to fit into xl & 2x clothes from once wearing 8x and upwards. Had to make my clothes for nothing in the stores fit me. Seems different to go into a store n be able to pick over clothes that fit. Even to try on other people clothes is cool;  had tried on my sisters gee (sp?) the other day, not to mention I now can wear Curtis’ jean shirt and fall jacket.  Everything is just sooo different.
Another thing in my life which amazes me..I am now on one injection of 3u of insulin a day!! WOOO HOOOO!!! I was on 2 injections of 90u & 80u 2 years ago…. And  I DID IT!!  When I think  of it all it really blows my mind… I am nearly off insulin and I got myself off my blood pressure meds too…definitely everything is changing for the good and I feel great!!! and I know I am healthier that I have ever been in years.
Well I have 301 pounds gone.. WOW!! I now stop myself from using the term “lost” because usually when losing something, you try and find it LOL well, I definitely do not want to ever find 301lbs ever again!!

Well here’s to the next 110lbs to go…. watch out!! here I come!!

I must say, to those who are struggling on your weightloss journeys… hang on, keep at it… YOU CAN MAKE IT!! Look at me.. if I can do it…anyone can… YOU & YOUR HEALTH are SO WORTH IT!!

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