If

As soon as my feet hit the floor this morning my mind was on that old song from my past; “If”. I knew it was going to be one of those days where I would be humming the same tune repeatedly, so I thought, “Hey, I should look it up on you tube.”
Listening to “Bread” brought back so many memories of when I was a young teenager.
One was laying on a swing by the beach, listening to my tape recorder which I had taped many songs off the radio. That feeling of peace and tranquility still resonates; I can almost feel the calm breeze blowing through my hair, yet somehow a feeling of sadness echoes in the memory.
My music during those times was my escape; those few moments to myself that I could listen to feelings that I feared so much to show; the saving grace that got me through.
I am not surprised that I woke with a song from my past. In starting a Life Writing Series this week, I was to find some pictures from various ages if I could; age 7, 11 and as a teen.
While looking through some old photograph albums many pleasant memories came flooding back. I felt fortunate that there were so many pictures to look at since I knew others in the class had said they had none. As I proceeded through the years reminiscing, and gathering the pictures that I needed, it soon came to a screeching halt.
Finding pictures of me as a teen was difficult; it was if I had fallen out of existence. I suddenly felt very overwhelmed with many emotions. That little girl inside that had felt ignored, neglected and unloved had resurfaced.
Thinking back on my circumstances of that time; wrong as they were, I then understood the why… for things had changed drastically in my life at the age of 11; suddenly I laid down the albums and hugged myself.
My past cannot change. I know that self-love can heal those hurts that my little girl suffered.
So Later that day, I took my little girl on a date and showed her some love.
I smile as I think of the song that I woke with…for it is a reminder to me; those words today, I can sing to me…
♫ ♪.. I’d be with you
Tomorrow and today
Beside you all the way…. ♫ ♪
It is only through ourselves that we can heal the wounds of our past.

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