We all have them; people who irritate us.
You know who I am talking about; people who seem to get under your skin and bug the hell out of you. Being around them is draining, so we avoid if we can, but you find there are some circles you just cannot break and you are stuck with uncomfortable times in having to “deal” with being around them. Sometimes the anticipation of being around them can be overwhelming, so why is that exactly?
In feeling this way this past weekend, I began to examine the situation. My journal topic last week was on self and relationships, so feeling there was something there that needed attending to I began to write. I must say, in assessing everything, I did not like what I seen in myself.
You see, this past week I had been pondering the topic of “Who am I?” A question I am sure many have asked themselves at one point or another in their life.
There have been many times in my past when I would ask myself that very question and felt at a loss as to how to answer.
A few years ago in taking a self-esteem class, we were to write an answer to that very question… the blank faces and hesitation by everyone in writing a reply was present. Hesitantly with the pen, I wrote, “I am a 50 year old widow, a mother, a cook/baker…” and I stopped. I was stuck.
I came to realize when asked that question, my answers came from things I associated myself with, rather than the true essence of who I am.
These external and situational things are not all who I am and using them to define myself is problematic for two main reasons.
First, I can limit the story I tell myself about myself. A lot of us hold on to information from our past that is not what we want to carry into our present and future. My “self-stats” that come from my ego can blind me from seeing my “SELF-truths” that come from my authentic self.
Second, if I allow my identity to be defined by people or things outside of me, then I am dependent on those external things.
So to answer the question “who am I”, I realized it could not be found in my past or by anything external. To know who I truly am, I needed to find my internal GPS rather than looking outside myself for direction to my answer.
I know who I am, I have actually known since the day I was born. I had just forgotten because throughout my life I had seen, heard and experienced things that had confused me. That, coupled with living in a society that emphasizes human “doings” more than human “beings”, leaves you in a bit of quandary when it comes to this question. I am a spiritual being having a human experience, so it is not surprising how the things in this life can cloud the true essence of who I am; on a deep level, I do know who I am but ego can get in the way.
So, Who am I? Well, all I have to do is think of something that when I am fully engaged in it, I absolutely LOVE it and love who I am when doing it. I am so present and involved in it, that I lose track of time, and I feel like I can be 100% authentically ME… THAT is who I am. I am compassionate, playful, loving, caring, generous, giving, creative, nurturing, spiritual and present…. just to name a few.
You can see why I didn’t really like what I seen in myself in feeling as I did on the weekend. I was in no way caring, compassionate, loving… I was totally the opposite. What a humbling lesson to learn.
So many times in this busy life, we forget ourselves. We forget to self-love, self-nurture, take care of ourselves and truly love ourselves. Negativity and our ego creeps in and it is in that negativity and ego rampage, a whole realm of problems can occur.
I now know that when others begin to agitate me. I need to look at me and take back my power, for allowing another person or situation affect me so, robs me. I cannot change other people; they are who they are but… my response is very reflective of me and I choose to be true to me in every way… Staying positive and loving me will result in a less critical state allowing me to be my true self.
So it’s late, I’m off to have some zz’s…. then wake and have some ME time and pampering … pack my bags and plan a great weekend with friends….
Have a wonderful day everyone… remember to take care of yourselves and don’t let anything or anyone rob you from being who you truly are…