This piece was written when I had examined my own fears while growing up. I learned there were some things that just didn’t get talked about in our home and how I coped in a dream world and used food to escape.
This is written through my child’s eye….
All nestled in my warm bed, with dreams of “Winkin’ Blinkin’ and Nod” I laid there safe in my cocoon.
I had sailed in that wooden shoe many a night through the starry skies. In wonderment, I would fish the beautiful sea in adventures far and beyond.
As I was casting my golden net that night, I heard a mumble in the distance. I could not quite make out what the disturbance was in the skies so clear. I strained with all my might; I laid down my net in the mist and put my head against the dew.
My eyes flickered as my subconscious struggled to hear what my ears were taking in, and then suddenly I was awake. I froze in the stillness of my room.
Something was happening. Did I do something wrong? Daddy was downstairs and was really mad. He wanted Mommy, but she would not go down. I saw her rush into Grammie’s room. Was she scared too? What was going to happen?
I covered my ears, as the sounds got louder. The cracking of splintering wood echoed through the silence of the house. My heart was beating out of my chest as I quietly pulled the covers over my head; trembling as I held them tight.
Soon everything went silent. I waited.
I then stepped into the wooden shoe and sailed away into the mist once again.
I woke the next morning with the warmth of the sun shining on my face. I smiled as it shone through my curtains and danced on my wall. Caught in its reverie, I stretched my arms and smiled. I sprung out of bed and got dressed for school.
I could hear Mommy in the kitchen downstairs and the smell of toast wafting up the stairwell made my belly rumble.
As I made my way down to the landing, I turned. I stood horrified at the scattered wood that lay at the bottom. I then remembered the disturbance in the mist last night.
I wondered if I would be able to get down.
Slowly, I edged my way, being careful with each step; for some were half-gone. I hugged the wall for support for the banister was doing a balancing act all on its own. Daddy sure was mad again.
I worked my way through the rubble and finally went into the kitchen. Grammie was sitting, drinking her tea. Quietly I sat down. I eyed my big brother who was intently eating his cereal and my little brother grinning as he ate his peanut butter toast.
I swallowed hard as I looked up to see Mommy put my bowl of cereal and milk in front of me. “Eat up now so you won’t be late for school.” she said.
As I picked up my spoon, I sprinkled sugar like moon dust over the miniature universe I had in my bowl. I dove into the Milky Way and thought happy thoughts of my adventures last night with “Winkin’ Blinkin’ and Nod”.
Many things can transpire in a child’s mind, which can form false truths and form behaviors that may cause more harm. This dysfunction can continue on into adult life and affect life in many ways. It is very much a repetitive occurrence from parent to child. through many generations. Until a person knows better, they can’t do better. The affects of alcoholism touches everyone in a family, I am thankful for AA and Al-Anon for their 12 step program where healing can begin and change made from a childhood of trauma & pain.